God? George? Anyone up there? Are you listening?!! Such a complex compound question that was prevelant and ad nasuem in my head for the better part of 8 years. Lucy is not patient.! Never has been and never will be.
My mother laughs at me and is throughouly discouraged by the fact that I can’t remember some of the good times we had pre-Anthony, and I’ll admit my short term memory is much better than my long term memory. However, there is one event that occurred 9 years ago with my late husband that sticks in my head like glue. From that day on, I knew that George was going up to heaven with an adamant calling to teach me patience, which meant I would have to wait much longer for things I really wanted. Ok, brace yourselves for some sadness, but it fits my tale and gets better, I promise! George had Been on hospice for 1 month and was getting weaker and weaker and thinner and thinner each day. He could no longer take medicine by mouth so I had to apply some greasy pain gel to his wrist that would be absorbed by the skin. And I had to put Saran wrap around the wrist so the gel did not escape. Now, who knows how frustrating Saran wrap is?.. Just try it dealing with it with one hand? I don’t really have to tell you how much I hate it! So, I am trying to comfort my dying husband and was getting really frustrated and wanted to throw the wrap out a window. George, who was withering each moment, somehow got the strength to utter the rather harsh toned words “Be patient”; the only words he had virtually said all day and which took the little strength he had left. Iknew from that moment that was going to hand deliver the message to God (who I’m sure already knew!) that impatient Lucy needed to be taught some serious lessons of patience; that meant there would be a lot more waiting as I knew George was my angel and would not let me settle, out of the sabotaging impatience I had.
Fast forward, not too fast, post George. I found myself smack in the middle of a insurance defense firm, litigating. I just keep going. At Lucy speed too. I quickly saw that litigating was 1/4 acting, 1/4 games, 1/4 bluffing and 1/4 never ending circuitous journeys. Not my style, at all! I am the direct, real, black and white, no games, let’s get this done type. As i kept going more and more, it was clear that I was getting myself stuck in litigation quicksand and there was no way to get out. So I keep on swimming, unwillingly learning how be an actor, see grey, play poker and games and be content with the long circuitous route to the same result that could have been accomplished 1 year prior via the straight route. I never really did realize why I jumped from job to job; of course in hindsight it is all obvious. My heart, passion and natural skills were always against the wind, instead of flowing smoothly with it.
But I kept going. Litigation was all I knew and there was little chance of proving to anyone that I could be good at something else. Yet, I still prayed..God? George? Anyone? ARE YOU LISTENING?! Get me the hell out of litigation before I explode. I was convinced after the 1st year that they were NOT listening. My pleas got stronger and more desperate. Damn husband of mine… He was always so stubborn and he is enjoying teaching me patience. I was not!! Don’t get me wrong, I regret nothing and believe there was no wasted time, but enough was enough 3 years ago! Or was it?
Post George love was different too. After 6 years back on the dating scene, the whole thing was different. What is the online dating scene? I did not like it from day one! … Reminded me of litigation. More acting, games, poker faces and bs. Wonderful!!! Men men men….all of a sudden they were complicated and morons. The dates I went on and the ones I got serious with- it was always a rollercoster of the anticipatory climbs and the stomach dropping declines. I learned a lot about myself and other; what to do and what not to do. But the puzzles pieces never really fit together. For a while, in each relationship, the puzzle pieces looked secure when forced together, but when I picked the entire puzzle off the floor to admire the “masterpieces”, it readily crumbled in my hands.
But I kept going. An eternally optimistic homeless romantic can’t just sit on the couch and wait. There was no time not to be proactive! I did sit on the couch watching sappy Hallmack love movies in between dating disasters to keep me motivated. So the hopeless romantic side compelled me to dive deeper into dating quicksand. I prayed. God? George? Anyone? ARE YOU LISTENING?! Find me an attractive, intelligent, emotionally intimate, funny man who will put me on a pedestal and spoil me . This request was a more agonizing … Like taking candy from a baby, I knew what I was missing as I had it once before. I still got no response from the higher beings, just more incomparable puzzle pieces. I have no regrets and my time was well spent as I have great memories of all my “fun” but I was not getting any younger and enough was enough!
Fast forward 8 years and 6 months. Just like that, I got a job offer for an amazing job that has nothing to do with litigation, with a great company and employees and a salary I fought for. Again, just like that, after 6 very good dates, an intelligent, attractive, funny, emotionally intimate man, who already has me on a pedestal, told me he loves me. My head is spinning. Literally. Fast moving, never misses a beat, Lucy, is flabbergasted. Really!!! Not joking! 8 years and 6 months of a barrage of pleas and prayers and nothing. But within the following month, everything I had prayed and pleaded for?!!! There is no logic to explain that! It’s divine intervention. It’s George intervention!
As I am writing this, I still can’t believe it. Can someone pinch me?! Even after all this, I will never truly be patient. That is just not me. Besides, impatience has its silver linings too… But that is another blog! But what I have learned is that patience, even if detested, is necessary for a life worth living. The things I have learned in the 8 years and 6 months are immeasurable and intangible. Some of the people I met have been extraordinary. The lessons I’ve learned are invaluable. I don’t regret a second. Nothing has been wasted time. This last month proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that God does listen and so does George, if you ever want to call on him. The sometimes frustrating, long and ‘unfair” journey is not to punish you or make you crazy, but to ensure that when the things that you have been praying and pleading for drop into your lap in a very short time frame, you will be 100% ready, willing and able to accept them without doubt or hesitation. I may be flabbergasted but I am ready. The question is : are you?